The Elephant in the room

You may have noticed me missing from my blog, I have been finding it very difficult to write, sure I have opened the page on numerous occasions but only end up closing the computer down and walking away.    My eldest son who has brain cancer has just had another surgery, this, the third time in eighteen months, only three months since the second surgery.    This last surgery has been more invasive, requiring him to be awake and alert for a time during the surgery, with a neurologist present to ascertain any damage to any of his senses.   This journey started eighteen months ago with all of us very optimistic for his future, but with the tumor returning shortly after Christmas and then again three months later our optimism is now waning.  We are now aware that unless he is accepted into a trial program there is little hope.  Chemotherapy is not holding this tumor, a Glioblastoma Multifore aggressive grade four tumor at bay, surgery has been the only answer so far.    I miss my wonderful chats with my amazing son, sure we talk about the children, my daughter-in-law and what is happening with them, and we talk about his treatment,   but there is always the elephant in the room.  What future he has we do not know, and neither does his surgeon or oncologist, one thing we do know is he will not grow to be an old man.   I have found myself becoming more despondent as time goes by, I am trying so hard to keep up appearances for my family and friends but I am finding this more difficult as time goes on.   I debated for a long time about writing this, I don't want sympathy I just want to let you know why I am not continuing with my blog, for awhile at least.   Keep your family close and give them a hug.