My last post was so long ago, back when I was in a very dark place, when I really thought there would be no end to the anger, pain and sadness I was feeling. Every day was difficult just putting my feet over the edge of the bed to stand and face another day. But I did one day at a time, although I did seek a grief counsellor to help navigate the pain I experiencing following the death of my son. I am so grateful for my friends who were always there for a shoulder to cry on or to just sit and listen to me express my pain. It is almost two years since Darren died and I still miss him terribly, but now I don't always cry when I think of him and what he endured before his death. I can smile and even laugh when we speak about him and the memories we have as a family with his brothers and sisters. I have recently come to the conclusion that I have changed, I have become less critical, less judgemental and more accepting of things and the people around me. I have a new view of life, whether this is because I am becoming older or the experiences I have been through I'm not sure. I now spend time in my garden to smell the roses, I'm looking forward to what 2017 will bring.